Happy New Year 2017

Happy New Year!

Looking back following my Bliss

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell

Here I am at the end of another year. The perfect time to look back and reflect on the past year, 2016, and maybe even reflect back on life gone by.

At the end of 2016 we are living in a very turbulent, tense world. Lives all over the world are dominated by some very powerful negative emotions: fear, even terror, anger, and hate, resulting in judgement, separation, and isolation.

This is also reflected in many personal lives. Many of us are going through difficult times. Sickness or death of a loved one, ending of relationships, loss of a job, or a home. Feelings of discontentment, sadness, grief, uncertainty, maybe even despair. It is not easy to keep our feet on the ground and to keep moving forward. Let alone feeling sincerely grateful to be alive.

There are days that I just don’t want to get up. My bed feels like the most comfortable, safest place to be. Those mornings I don’t expect my day to be any different than the days I feel pain and sadness. Discouraged by the set backs I allow my self judgements about not being good enough and not deserving to take over. I easily find arguments that support my failure. The only reasonable thing to do is isolate myself, hide from the world in shame. Looking at the current world is not helping. There is too much to worry about, and who am I to make a difference?

This is my small self talking.

I know her very well, she has been with me my whole life.

I also know I am just like any other human on the planet. You have all experienced, or are experiencing similar thoughts, fears, doubts, worries, and pain. So I don’t feel I am getting to personal when I share these feelings with you. Doesn’t it comfort you in some way knowing that you are not alone?

You are not alone.

We put a tremendous amount of energy into hiding the part of us that feels shame, pain, doubts, fear, and unworthiness. Rather than acknowledging how we really feel and accepting it, we push it far away, afraid we will lose the last bit of dignity. We pretend our way through life, going through the motions with very little deliberate actions.

Life does not have to be an endless string of reactive moments, a saving of ourselves when our buttons get pushed. It is a waste of energy leaving us depleted. There is no energy left for deliberately creating a meaningful life

When I look at the cold facts of my current situation, the first thing I feel is loss pain. The unmistakable pain of a hole in my heart. Something that was and no longer is. Disillusioned.
The second thing I feel is uncertainty, with a hint of failure, about my life. It doesn’t seem like I have moved ahead that much since last year. On the surface, I still feel lost, and I’m still afraid that I somehow repel people, or attract those that I can’t seem to connect with. With a few exceptions…. Can I even trust myself?

HOWEVER……..

I am not here to compare outcomes, to take stock. Where I was last year, and where I am now is not a relevant question.

What did I accomplish, and did I live up to my expectations (and others’ expectations!)? Did I reach my goals? Any of them?

If reaching my goals and living up to expectations were my premise, I’d be setting myself up for failure for the new year. Already feeling like a failure, overwhelmed by grief and sadness and not very hopeful about the coming year. Not expecting a better year. That would be a waste of my energy.

I am here to defy human’s inclination to look at the facts and results, the so called reality. I object to our constant attempts to avoid pain and stay away from situations that may end up being painful again. I refuse to contract, and vow to expand. I can’t protect myself from pain. It’s just part of life. I’d rather take a chance and be a deliberate creator.

Deliberately feel my way into bliss.

I am taking the advice from Joseph Campbell. “Follow your Bliss…” I am going to look back at my year and count my “blissings”, all the blissful experiences I had this last year. Even if the experience did not have a happy ending.

Looking at my year through the eyes of bliss, I had an amazing year! My blissful experiences last year are countless! It changes how I feel about life, about myself, and YES, it will open doors, even though I don’t know where they are going to be. I can be in joyful anticipation when I am in a state of bliss. That is a far better start of my new year!

Things may not have gone as expected, but that is not the point. It is not about getting anywhere, finding the right job, career, the perfect home in the ideal community, or finding the perfect partner.

Following your bliss does not mean you finally get what you want. Following your bliss is a perspective, it’s about connecting the dots, all the little ordinary moments of bliss, all the amazing experiences you had, and will have, whether they turned out the way you had hoped for or expected or not!

That is what counting your blessings and following your bliss is all about. To appreciate the journey so much so, that you can’t help but feel blessed!

Wishing all of you a blissful 2017. Follow your bliss and love the journey.

I encourage you to write your own blissful rant of your past year!

Here’s mine:

Experiencing my first winter in my own home, surrounded by beautiful trees and mountains in solitude was perfect for introspection and increasing self awareness. Face to face with myself, my dog Jewels by my side always. I loved walking in the snow, snowshoeing in the mountains. Driving up to the Helmcken Falls in the middle of winter was magical. I was preparing myself for new things to come.

I loved the early spring, watching a new season unfold, the fresh green exploding. I loved planting my very first garden ever and watched the seeds grow into plants and then vegetables. What a privilege to watch nature provide me with an abundance of berries, other fruit, and vegetables. I am still enjoying the gifts of my garden right now. How amazing to witness the ease with which everything just grows. The colors of all the beautiful flowers were mine to enjoy, every week new flowers surprised me all spring and summer long!

I became a Canadian Citizen and received my Canadian passport. The crown on my dream, a journey that started 36 years ago. What an amazing life I had because of this dream. All the amazing people I met on the way. What a blessing that I was able to fulfill my desire to live and play in this beautiful country. I really did follow my bliss and I feel blessed to be here every day. Doors have always opened for me and I love knowing that I can manifest anything I want, as long as I keep following my bliss. I just kept taking the next step, and the next one, never really knowing the plan, but certain of the direction.

I started sharing my passion with others by creating videos. Every time I walked through the door of fear and doubt and kept on walking, I felt bliss. For doing things that scared me. I didn’t die of shame. Nothing terrible happened. It was the biggest door that opened for me, and I entered the summer of bliss.

How joyful and blissful it feels to fall in love. I love how it makes me feel. In love with the whole world. Invincible, full with vibrant, unlimited energy. Love fills my heart even just thinking about it, bubbling with joy, full of happy anticipation, happy for no reason at all. Love is joyful, fun, freeing, vibrant and alive. We should all fall in love every day and feel that vibrant and alive. I feel connected, and I remember who I am. It is all about feeling that source of love, which never is about another person. It is a reconnecting with my own source of love, and it is right here with me all the time. But holy cow does it feel good when I can share that with another being. Soaring high….Bliss for sure!

My summer was one big blissful experience. I felt so connected and at home with friends that were like my family. So comfortable, relaxed, we had so much fun together. One adventure after another, meeting so many new people that I felt dizzy with delight. I was so in my element. Bliss for sure! Loved, loved, loved the people, the lakes, the activities. Nothing can take that beautiful summer, filled with love and fun away from me. Thinking about it just lifts me up and I feel bliss all over again.

Fall was tough…but it taught me to look for love within myself, to seek bliss in the moments that are difficult. I was so happy I was with my mom in her last three weeks. We shared some precious moments. Bliss I felt when I was with my mom and all my brothers and sisters, we told stories, laughed and cried and mom was there taking it all in, I am sure. The closeness and togetherness of my family that night was soothing and reassuring for all. The love that I felt, that was Bliss. The best way to say goodbye to our mom. She left us the next day when nobody was paying attention, around midnight.

I followed my Bliss into another little paradise for this winter. I am in paradise again, snowshoeing and playing in the snow with dear friends, meeting many new people. It has been fun and joyful this Christmas holiday, I am so thankful.

I feel sadness and pain mingled with love and joy. More joyful anticipation than grief. More love than sadness. More appreciation then worry. I know when I keep following my bliss, everything will always work out for me, and for those I love, there is just more love to give to them. I know I can keep falling in love with life, with everything I do and hold dear. Bliss will be there for me.

Bliss will be there for you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR