Being Nice is Bad for Your Health.

Me, being the good girl, learning how to be nice. Now, I'm learning how to be more 'ME' instead!

Being nice and politically correct is bad for your health.

The pain people are struggling with is UNACCEPTABLE and UNNECESSARY.

Emotional pain and physical pain.

Mostly emotional pain, because the root of most physical pain is emotional pain. Really.

Do you know when emotions express themselves in physical pain?

When you don’t express them. When you don’t express yourself.

One way of stuffing down feelings of anger, sadness, or fear for example is to cover it up and be polite, be nice, don’t say or do things that might hurt peoples feelings. Don’t say or do anything that may turn people against you. What if they don’t like you?


We all do this to some degree. And as long as you are aware of it, in control of it, and deal with it in a healthy way, it is not a problem.
But most of us are not even aware, let alone dealing with it in a healthy way.

It is a big...

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Radio Interview with Erna

about erna my story Mar 20, 2019
 

Radio Interview with Erna on Voice of the Shuswap by Chris Deye

One day I met with Chris to do an interview about Toastmasters and their upcoming anniversary. It turned in to this:

A completely impromptu interview with Chris, about how I ended up here doing what I do now.

Lots of enthusiasm!

And no, I was not high on caffeine, just excited!

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You are the one that creates

You are not your body, your mind, your thoughts
You are not your feelings, your emotions, your actions
You are not the breaths that you take or the words that you say

There is nothing for you to have that makes you complete
There’s nothing you have to do that makes you worthy

You are not a separate human being
You are human kind
Never wrong or right- not good or bad

You are not your own judgements of yourself, or of others
Nor are you who you’re judged as by others

Who you are is the driver behind all of it, the captain, the leader
The one that IS
The one that creates out of nothing but a thought, a desire, or dream
Chosen by YOU

You are not a drop - you are the ocean in the drop

You are not a mere community of cells- you are the universe in the cells

Stop living as if you are mediocre! Take the lead and lead, starting with yourself.

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Unwrap Christmas

equality peace wholeness Dec 25, 2018
 

Unwrap Christmas!
It’s not about the wrapper

Words are just like the wrapper around the presents.

Words convey a message, a story, but they aren’t the message or the story. It’s just the wrapper, not the whole content.

Language makes it easier for us humans to communicate, but a lot gets lost in translation.

A word is a symbol, a sound, a combination of letters, that we associate with something. We give it meaning.

The meaning we give to words is learned. Language is conditioning with words.

It’s hard to look at a tree, and NOT think about the word ‘tree’. Of course it depends on what language you speak. A tree has many different words associated with it.

Words are never the thing. They don’t even describe the thing. They are symbols, packaging. An easy way to communicate.

WE give the words meaning. And meaning is very personal.

The power of a story and using metaphors is that we go beyond the word and relate to the interpretation and what...

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Why Worry?

 
Photo by Jonas Thijs on Unsplash
“Worry is a misuse of the imagination.” – Dan Zadra 
 

Worry is nothing but a BLOCK created by a fear mindset.

Fear of what?

  • Uncertainty, unpredictability
  • Not being or having enough: LACK of control, money, love, health, safety/security

The subject is not important, it is all about the fear mindset where worry originates.

Worry is a certain way to create more stress in your life.

Do you have any idea how much time and energy worry takes up in your daily life?

It is time to start paying attention, because it may surprise you how much worry actually controls your life.

Whether you are aware of it or not:

  • Worry stops you from doing things and connecting, it kills your productivity and can isolate you. For example: Worry about what others think, not feeling good enough, “I feel insecure so I’d rather not meet new people, network, join a club, start this art class….
  • Worry can keep you stuck where you are, even...
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6 Do's and Dont's when overcoming Fear of Speaking

 

Fear of speaking in public is one of the most common fears. In a sense, it is a social fear often based on a feeling of insecurity. There are simple steps to overcome any social fear. Even speaking in Public. But you’ve got to WANT it first!


STRATEGY NUMBER 1
The most common way to deal with this fear is AVOIDANCE. And that’s totally fine.

Avoidance reinforces a neuro-network responsible for the fear of speaking: a trigger-response loop. The trigger is speaking the response is stress or survival mindset.

When speaking triggers a stress response we feel the panic in our body and believe the thoughts triggered by the stress hormones that say we are in ‘danger’.

The reward of avoidance is safety, which strengthens the loop. The more you avoid, the better you get at avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable.

If that is what you want
THAT IS TOTALLY FINE.

But if you are ready to grow and be more confident and less insecure in social situations or when speaking...

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What to do about insecurity

One of the things I hear over and over from women is that they struggle with insecurity.

I’m talking about that feeling of insecurity that happens in social situations and involves other people.

It’s part of being human to feel some level of insecurity in life under certain circumstances. But what do you do when it happens?

You have two basic options:
A. Avoidance or
B. Facing the uncomfortableness.

What happens when you choose option B, and it doesn’t work out very well??

Let’s look at where feeling insecure comes from, from a neurobiological stand point.
Insecurity is a feeling, an emotion, that has a trigger and a physical response.

  1. The response is always the same, a stress response, but the intensity varies.
  2. The trigger is very personal and unique to each person. It depends on past experiences, conditioning, beliefs you have about yourself, and your perception of the specific events that trigger the feeling.

Insecurity is not something you just have to...

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The Grace of Grief

grief loss love opportunities Oct 24, 2018

Today, October the 24th, 2018, it is 5 years ago my love passed away.

This, is what I wrote December 2014. I have to say, I was spot on. I have found the Grace of Grief, and the journey was worthwhile. For now, I am more resilient and feel freer and happier because of it.

Joseph Campbell was right!

 

December 2014,

Joseph Campbell said:

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within, come when life seems most challenging"

Whenever I feel like I cannot fall any deeper and I see no more light, I somehow find the strength to grow, and transform into a more intentional being. It comes and goes in waves, I am never there, never arrive at the security level. Life is insecure.

We grow the most through things that stretch us the most. I feel so stretched right now, I know I am about to have a growth spurt again. I lost count of the growth spurts I had, I had too many.

Fear of the future without my love is not going away. But it is not about getting rid of fear. It is about having courage...

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World Peace Day

International Day of Peace.

Today, September 21st, is the International Day of Peace.
A day dedicated to focus on Peace.

  • We can hope that kindness will lead the way
  • We can pray that the world become a better place
  • We can preach that we should love and respect other beings

It’s great that we all have good intentions and share a common desire.

How is it working out so far?

Peace is created every day by all of us individually.

  • Lead the way with kindness
  • Become an even better person
  • Love and respect yourself and all other beings no matter what. Even when you disagree.
  • Practice feeling peaceful intentionally every day

Don’t wait for peace to happen in the outer world
Create peace in your own inner world every day.

Make every day world peace day.

Peace to all.

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Success: Blessing or burden?

Last week I had a wonderful conversation with a successful, ambitious young woman. We talked about success.

I love having meaningful conversations where I get to know someone better. It is inspiring to see how engaging and connecting with another human being can light both involved in a meaningful conversation up.

That is my definition of success: when I feel connected and see a shift happen, enthusiasm spark, and clarity emerges. I love witnessing the ‘aha’ moments. They are like little miracles to me. I feel most fulfilled when I make little miracles happen. That’s why I choose to be a life coach.

A miracle to me is not rare or extraordinary. They are also not unexplainable. It is simply the act of following your bliss, believing in your dreams and taking actions that make your dreams real. Success is a given when you know what to do to fill yourself up, and do more of that.

There is no ONE definition of success. Everyone defines success in their own unique way....

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