The Grace of Grief

Today, October the 24th, 2018, it is 5 years ago my love passed away.

This, is what I wrote December 2014. I have to say, I was spot on. I have found the Grace of Grief, and the journey was worthwhile. For now, I am more resilient and feel freer and happier because of it.

Joseph Campbell was right!

December 2014,

Joseph Campbell said:

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within, come when life seems most challenging"

Whenever I feel like I cannot fall any deeper and I see no more light, I somehow find the strength to grow, and transform into a more intentional being. It comes and goes in waves, I am never there, never arrive at the security level. Life is insecure.

We grow the most through things that stretch us the most. I feel so stretched right now, I know I am about to have a growth spurt again. I lost count of the growth spurts I had, I had too many.

Fear of the future without my love is not going away. But it is not about getting rid of fear. It is about having courage to move forward any way, in spite of the fear.

I have to acknowledge that I am not the same, life is not the same, it never is. Things ALWAYS change, nothing stays the same. We just don't want to change with life, want things to go back to 'normal', want to hang on to the old self we think we know, want to maintain our securities.

Joseph Campbell also said:

"If you bargain away your life for security, you will never find your bliss".

If I am courageous enough to move forward, and let go of my securities, I am more likely to find bliss. And that is where I will find Love!

"Find a place where there is Joy and the Joy will burn out the pain"

- Joseph Campbell, again.

To find the grace of grief, I need to allow myself to grow, to move towards Joy courageously.

I am like the seed in the soil, gestating. It is dark and lonely, but I know that when I grow, I will see the light and I will bloom into something powerful and beautiful, before I will return to the soil again.

I have to take a leap of faith. Faith is not something you have, it takes constant work to generate it. It comes from making the effort to decide what kind of person I want to be today. How can I be my very best. Then putting the intention into action with courage and trust in myself. Being okay with little steps, but not being afraid to take big steps too. Not worrying about what others think.

"I want to sing like birds sing, not worrying who listens or what they think" -Rumi.

Then I can achieve the impossible.

That is the grace of grief, to grow in spite of pain, to believe in the impossible in spite of loss. To still believe in unconditional love and the good in life. To look your limiting beliefs straight and honest in the eye and letting them go, replacing them with powerful uplifting thoughts that will become new empowering beliefs. And to practice patience allowing for the transformation to take place.

So this is were I am. Practicing presence, patience, and thinking uplifting thoughts, on my path towards Joy, to find the grace of grief. Allowing for sadness, slowly letting go of the pain.
It's like the weather: periods of sadness with sunny breaks.

Nothing binds you except your thoughts
Nothing limits you except your fear
Nothing controls you except your beliefs
-Marianne Williamson-

And with that I wish every one an uplifting new year, full with great intentions and actions. Be the best you you can be.

With love,

Erna

Selfie December 2014, with 'Big Ears' Trooper and Jewels