A little over a year ago I wrote the following post while I was with my mom for the last three weeks of her life. I miss her, but reading this again reminded me that I am grateful for the things she gave me, most importantly, MY LIFE!
She deserves nothing less than my very best effort to make my life meaningful and happy. I try and keep that in mind when I let things get to me. She is my greatest cheerleader in a way!
This post is still very relevant today. I’d like to share it with you.
Who is your cheerleader?
There are certain moments in our life when we all pause and reflect. We stop our busyness, take time to go within, and remind ourselves what is really important in life.
The beginning of a life, when a baby is born, and the end of a life.
These are the moments we remember how precious life is, what life really is all about, and what it is not about.
I am in the middle of experiencing a time where a precious life is ending. The most precious being is the woman who gave birth to me. It is time to let her go.
When I am about to loose someone meaningful in my life, someone I deeply love, the important things come into focus and all the rest just drops away. It becomes crystal clear what has real importance to me. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. Life becomes true and simple. What is real are the connections I have and the love I can give and receive. Experiencing each moment with love and gratitude is what matters and what makes me happy, even in a time of sadness. Sharing precious time with someone I cherish is what matters.
This is a time to stay present in each moment.
It is a time for self reflection, going within. What are things I need to let go of? Things that happened in the past that I carry with me that have long served their purpose? Where am I judgemental? Can I be less critical of others and myself? Can I allow unconditional love to flow, and let go of any resistance, regrets, fears and doubts?
When I surrender to what is happening in the moment and let go of the emotions that are blocking love and joy, a deep sense of love and acceptance takes over. It feels peaceful and calm. This simply happens when we stop resisting the positive emotions.
This is a trying time. Not just for me personally. The world is going through emotional turmoil. Deep wounds of feeling unheard, unseen, unsupported and unvalidated are exposed and given a voice. People are seeing themselves as separate and less than. This causes tremendous stress.
Fear of loss makes us all feel so vulnerable. The mind will put us into survival mode, using emotions as the drive for our behaviour. We become reactive instead of intentional. This is why people lash out, blame, judge and express hate. It is our protection mechanism. However, the negative emotions block the flow of love. When we stay present, we become aware of this mechanism. Then we have a choice: do we choose hate or love? Do we continue with our reactiveness or can we be more intentional?
My personal fear of loss brings up feelings of separateness as well. I feel aloneness and a feeling of not belonging. Now that I am far away from home, out of my comfort zone, tired, raw and vulnerable, deep rooted beliefs that I am not good enough and I don’t deserve are brought to the surface. My old wounds that I associate with this country where I was born and the history I have here, are surfacing. I am given another opportunity to look at my old beliefs and insecurities, acknowledge them and let them go. I can only do that when I stay present, become aware of my emotions, and make my choice: do I hold on to the emotions associated with lack and my smallness, or do I choose to let go and let love flow?
We all have wounds, and they are brought to the surface for whole nations right now. It causes separation and division, judgement and hate. A deep and not so pretty part of the reality about the current state of humanity has been revealed.
Shouldn’t we just do the same, staying present? Look at what is, acknowledge what it stirs up within us, accept it and let it go?
Instead we become reactive, we blame, we judge and lash out. Fighting against the unwanted is never going to bring peace.
My mom said some wise words when I asked how she was feeling. She said, "It could be worse, but it can always be better!”
Her most important life lesson is this one: “Accept what is, don’t fight, resist, or worry, that is useless. Have faith (hers is in God), that all will be well”.
We have no control over our outside world or other people. The only thing that we can do anything about is how we feel and how we react. It is a waste of energy to try and change anything else but our inner world. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world so in a sense we do influence what happens outside when we change how we feel inside.
Instead of reacting with resistance and attack when our wounds are exposed, could we practice introspection and honest self reflection? Instead of reacting and resisting, is it possible to be accepting? Instead of lashing out and criticizing, is it too much to ask for patience, understanding and appreciation? Instead of expressing hate, can we express love, and generate more self-love and self-acceptance?
It is so easy to victimize ourselves. That is what is happening right now in the world. We are collectively giving our power away and giving a voice to our collective small self. This does not do any justice to this precious life force we all have within us.
We can choose to bring light, by taking responsibility for how we feel. We can all bring our powerful loving life force to the surface instead.
I agree with my mom. We need to let go of that what is useless: the worry, the fighting, the blaming, the resisting, the judging.
We can bring about a positive change by bringing out the best in ourselves, so that we can bring out the best in others.
As I start another day to be with my mom, I focus my mind deliberately on the present moment, and I find thoughts and feelings of appreciation and love. I bring out the best feeling feelings within me. I believe when I bring out the best in me, that part of me connects with the best in my mom. No words are needed.
I am so grateful for this strong, kind, caring woman, who has taught me so much. Even now, in her last days, she is teaching me how to let go, and how to accept what is. How to love life unconditionally and always cherish the people that are close to me. In the end, all we take with us is the love and the experiences. Life really is precious
Thank you mom, I love you always.