The three most important conditions ensuring self-care

When it comes to looking after our own well-being, our best interest, and our own health, there is a lot to learn.

Over the years, working with patients, I have seen and heard many self-sabotaging tricks. Caregivers, the people working in professions that require helping others, seem to think it is selfish to care for themselves. They come last; the job and everyone else comes first.

It wasn’t hard for me to recognize these belief systems in action: I was also one of those caregivers wanting to help the whole world, and ‘never mind me’. I know it is because we caregivers are passionate about what we do, and we love our work. It does not feel like a sacrifice or extraordinary duty towards our patients or clients at all. We have an authentic devotion to be there for our patients, to honor their faith and trust in us, and an unspoken promise never to let them down keeps it our number one priority.

The good news is there is nothing wrong with being passionate about your work, respecting and honouring people’s trust and faith in you, and devoting your energy to support the well-being of others. It is a proven fact that contributing your service for the good of others is one of the factors that our human psyche needs to thrive. This means it is beneficial for your sense of fulfilment and happiness.

Why then are we threatening our health by doing something that is supposedly good for us, and that should give us more energy, not less?

Three major conditions to ensure we are contributing the right way:

#1 Balance

It is never a good idea to put all our eggs in one basket. Why would we do that with our precious energy? What if we could create more energy, by dividing our eggs over several baskets? It sounds

What if we could create more energy, by dividing our eggs over several baskets? It sounds counter-intuitive, but we would actually create more energy. We need to balance our life by paying attention to all life areas.

We can distinguish twelve different life areas but, for the sake of simplicity, let’s start with these six: health and fitness; relationships (including loved ones, family, friends, and co-workers); emotional/spiritual (and intellectual) life; recreational life; career; and financial life.

As you can see, work is not even a life area; therefore, we don’t put any eggs in this basket at all. Your job encompasses multiple life areas. Our job is not the same as our career either. A career is a purposeful choice, made with our dreams in mind. A job could be one of the vehicles to get there. Never confuse your job with the end goal, your dream or vision. Unfortunately, we often do lose ourselves in the so called ‘means goals’.

Remedy:

For each of the six areas, write down activities that are important to you. Then, pick two or three in each area that are most important to you and start planning those into your life.

Review and adjust your list as needed once a week, but read your list at the beginning of every day to remind you of your priorities, and at the end of the day to see how you did, and if you need to make any changes.  While you are doing that, also be mindful of what you are grateful for that happened that day. You are on your way to lead a more balanced, more intentional life. Congratulations!

If you are already physically exhausted, I would recommend you start with two life areas: health/fitness and emotional/spiritual. The main concern is to nourish and replenish your body and mind first before you are able to think about your goals in the other areas. Pick activities, including rest and sleep, which support these life areas and recharge your battery first!

#2 Beliefs and Values

When we are self-aware, have confidence and feel competent, we have the potential to know when we have done a good job and are able to value this through internal appreciation. We believe in our good judgement and don’t feel guilty when it is time to pay attention to other life areas. Modeling this behavior of balancing your life and quality

Modeling this behavior of balancing your life and quality self-care, adds value to your work and people are more likely to listen to your advice. More often, this is not based on what you say, but on what you do and how you do it.

When guilt, insecurity, and overcompensating work ethics (workaholic behavior) are taking over, adjust the goals in your life areas. You will likely benefit from spending more time on self-reflection, and working on skills and competence as needed.

Make sure your goals align with the direction you want to take your career. Often, we choose what is needed for our job, or we even are told to do certain training. There is nothing wrong with that but it is important to provide yourself with training that will support your needs as well.

When fatigue, exhaustion or health issues are coming up, prioritize your health. You may also want to check in with your emotions.

Are there any underlying issues concerning your beliefs about yourself?

Do you feel you are good enough and do you feel you are deserving?

Investigating if there are any self-sabotaging tricks at work, and where they come from, can release underlying patterns that prevent you from taking care of yourself.

Lastly, intentionally cultivating healthy, positive beliefs about yourself simplifies keeping balance and maintaining boundaries.

#3 Boundaries:

This is where the limitless work ethic spills over in all areas of life. We literally want to help the whole world and have forgotten how to use the word ‘No’. Identification with the role we have in our job, ‘the caregiver’ (also one of the archetypes) perpetuates the care for others at the cost of our own needs.  How often does it happen you realize you crossed the line a while ago, without noticing it, and now it’s too late? Stuck in patterns associated with the caregiver role, it is difficult to change course.

Identification with the role we have in our job, ‘the caregiver’ (also one of the archetypes) perpetuates the care for others at the cost of our own needs.  How often does it happen you realize you crossed the line a while ago, without noticing it, and now it’s too late? Stuck in patterns associated with the caregiver role, it is difficult to change course.

How often does it happen you realize you crossed the line a while ago, without noticing it, and now it’s too late? Stuck in patterns associated with the caregiver role, it is difficult to change course.

One of the most important things to have is clarity. Clarity on what kind of person we want to be (character, belief values), what our vision is and how we wish to walk through life in relationship with others. When we have clarity, we can work on aligning our values with our vision and our behavior. Now saying ‘No’ will become much easier. We simply need to ask ourselves if this activity will bring us closer to our vision, or if it is a distraction from it. Even when we choose to be distracted, it will be a conscious choice. We will feel more empowered, and more fulfilled when we have clarity, clear boundaries and make conscious choices.

Clarity on what kind of person we want to be (character, belief values), what our vision is and how we wish to walk through life in relationship with others. When we have clarity, we can work on aligning our values with our vision and our behavior. Now saying ‘No’ will become much easier. We simply need to ask ourselves if this activity will bring us closer to our vision, or if it is a distraction from it. Even when we choose to be distracted, it will be a conscious choice. We will feel more empowered, and more fulfilled when we have clarity, clear boundaries and make conscious choices.

When we have clarity, we can work on aligning our values with our vision and our behavior. Now saying ‘No’ will become much easier. We simply need to ask ourselves if this activity will bring us closer to our vision, or if it is a distraction from it. Even when we choose to be distracted, it will be a conscious choice. We will feel more empowered, and more fulfilled when we have clarity, clear boundaries and make conscious choices.

We simply need to ask ourselves if this activity will bring us closer to our vision, or if it is a distraction from it. Even when we choose to be distracted, it will be a conscious choice. We will feel more empowered, and more fulfilled when we have clarity, clear boundaries and make conscious choices.

When we make it our free choice, there will be no more resentment for always doing everything for everybody. It is unlikely you will let it get this far, and when you do, it is your own choice.

When we have clear boundaries for all our life areas and evaluate regularly, we are more likely to notice when we are not paying enough attention to our health. We can adjust our goals and choices, to restore the balance.

I know it sounds so simple here in writing. It is simple, but it is work and it does require discipline.

To strengthen the three conditions, you can start working on clarity, discipline, and cultivation of positive self-beliefs.

Great tools to develop these are journaling and mindfulness meditation.

Please share your experiences in the comment section below.