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6 Do's and Dont's when overcoming Fear of Speaking

 

Fear of speaking in public is one of the most common fears. In a sense, it is a social fear often based on a feeling of insecurity. There are simple steps to overcome any social fear. Even speaking in Public. But you’ve got to WANT it first!


STRATEGY NUMBER 1
The most common way to deal with this fear is AVOIDANCE. And that’s totally fine.

Avoidance reinforces a neuro-network responsible for the fear of speaking: a trigger-response loop. The trigger is speaking the response is stress or survival mindset.

When speaking triggers a stress response we feel the panic in our body and believe the thoughts triggered by the stress hormones that say we are in ‘danger’.

The reward of avoidance is safety, which strengthens the loop. The more you avoid, the better you get at avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable.

If that is what you want
THAT IS TOTALLY FINE.

But if you are ready to grow and be more confident and less insecure in social situations or when speaking...

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What to do about insecurity

One of the things I hear over and over from women is that they struggle with insecurity.

I’m talking about that feeling of insecurity that happens in social situations and involves other people.

It’s part of being human to feel some level of insecurity in life under certain circumstances. But what do you do when it happens?

You have two basic options:
A. Avoidance or
B. Facing the uncomfortableness.

What happens when you choose option B, and it doesn’t work out very well??

Let’s look at where feeling insecure comes from, from a neurobiological stand point.
Insecurity is a feeling, an emotion, that has a trigger and a physical response.

  1. The response is always the same, a stress response, but the intensity varies.
  2. The trigger is very personal and unique to each person. It depends on past experiences, conditioning, beliefs you have about yourself, and your perception of the specific events that trigger the feeling.

Insecurity is not something you just have to...

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The Grace of Grief

grief loss love opportunities Oct 24, 2018

Today, October the 24th, 2018, it is 5 years ago my love passed away.

This, is what I wrote December 2014. I have to say, I was spot on. I have found the Grace of Grief, and the journey was worthwhile. For now, I am more resilient and feel freer and happier because of it.

Joseph Campbell was right!

 

December 2014,

Joseph Campbell said:

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within, come when life seems most challenging"

Whenever I feel like I cannot fall any deeper and I see no more light, I somehow find the strength to grow, and transform into a more intentional being. It comes and goes in waves, I am never there, never arrive at the security level. Life is insecure.

We grow the most through things that stretch us the most. I feel so stretched right now, I know I am about to have a growth spurt again. I lost count of the growth spurts I had, I had too many.

Fear of the future without my love is not going away. But it is not about getting rid of fear. It is about having courage...

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World Peace Day

International Day of Peace.

Today, September 21st, is the International Day of Peace.
A day dedicated to focus on Peace.

  • We can hope that kindness will lead the way
  • We can pray that the world become a better place
  • We can preach that we should love and respect other beings

It’s great that we all have good intentions and share a common desire.

How is it working out so far?

Peace is created every day by all of us individually.

  • Lead the way with kindness
  • Become an even better person
  • Love and respect yourself and all other beings no matter what. Even when you disagree.
  • Practice feeling peaceful intentionally every day

Don’t wait for peace to happen in the outer world
Create peace in your own inner world every day.

Make every day world peace day.

Peace to all.

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Success: Blessing or burden?

Last week I had a wonderful conversation with a successful, ambitious young woman. We talked about success.

I love having meaningful conversations where I get to know someone better. It is inspiring to see how engaging and connecting with another human being can light both involved in a meaningful conversation up.

That is my definition of success: when I feel connected and see a shift happen, enthusiasm spark, and clarity emerges. I love witnessing the ‘aha’ moments. They are like little miracles to me. I feel most fulfilled when I make little miracles happen. That’s why I choose to be a life coach.

A miracle to me is not rare or extraordinary. They are also not unexplainable. It is simply the act of following your bliss, believing in your dreams and taking actions that make your dreams real. Success is a given when you know what to do to fill yourself up, and do more of that.

There is no ONE definition of success. Everyone defines success in their own unique way....

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What are the odds of you existing as you here and now?

change empowerment miracle Jan 10, 2018

What are the odds of you existing as you here and now?


“What on earth am I doing? Who do I think I am? I am fighting an uphill battle, the odds are stacked against me and I will never get my message out.”

This was yesterday.

Words inside my head. I was listening as I felt my self-doubt eat up all the evidence that I am indeed a loser. Old familiar feelings of shame taking advantage of me letting my guards down.

Does this sound familiar?

I know it does, because I hear my friends, family and clients talk about this at some point.
Self-doubt is a huge problem for many, but it doesn’t have to be.

How can I forget the truth of who I am so quickly in a moment where things just don’t seem to work out the way I want them to? Old familiar beliefs that I thought I had let go of eager to grow more roots:

“If I could just settle for less, everything would be fine right now.”

It is tempting, but staying put or giving up is not an option for me. And I know from...

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New Year's Resolutions are useless

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

New Year’s resolutions are useless, unless……..

Happy New Year everyone, I wish for all of you that it will be a happy one.

We say ‘Happy New Year!’ to everybody for the first few days of the year, everybody wishes each other a HAPPY New Year.

Do we even know what Happy means? What are you wishing for and do you even know how to make that happen for yourself?

‘Happy’ is not captured in a single definition. It is very personal and it is an individual experience we have.

Happiness is not something we achieve or have, it is a state of mind we can generate at any moment. Happiness, like love, is unconditional. Meaning, it can be yours to experience no matter what your circumstances are.

New Year’s resolutions are a way to accomplish something we want that we think will make us feel better, or even HAPPY. Why else would we want it, right?

The problem is we make happiness conditional. We think we need to...

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Bring the JOLLY back into the season

Christmas is the holiday of light, of kindness and of (for) giving.


“What are you doing this Christmas?”

For so many Christmas is a joyful holiday, filled with love and light.

However, it turns out this question triggers some deep-rooted negative emotions for some, such as stress, sadness, frustration, conflict, and guilt.

Has Christmas become an obligation for you? A holiday where you are being pulled in all directions? You feel you can’t please them all, so you’d rather just skip it or just get it over with?

I hear to many of my friends stress about where to go, what to do, who to please and how, and no matter what they decide, they’re letting someone down. They can’t get it right, and no matter what they do, feeling guilty is the result.

"Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la”.

The high expectations are hard to meet for many. Christmas is a reminder of loss and grief, or not living up to the expectations.

This can tear...

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Who is your Cheerleader?

Who is your cheerleader?

A little over a year ago I wrote the following post while I was with my mom for the last three weeks of her life. I miss her, but reading this again reminded me that I am grateful for the things she gave me, most importantly, MY LIFE!

She deserves nothing less than my very best effort to make my life meaningful and happy. I try and keep that in mind when I let things get to me. She is my greatest cheerleader in a way!

This post is still very relevant today. I’d like to share it with you.
Who is your cheerleader?

 

Precious Life (November 2016)

There are certain moments in our life when we all pause and reflect. We stop our busyness, take time to go within, and remind ourselves what is really important in life.

The beginning of a life, when a baby is born, and the end of a life.

These are the moments we remember how precious life is, what life really is all about, and what it is not about.

I am in the middle of experiencing a time where a precious...

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A Day to Remember

freedom love peace remembrance Nov 11, 2017

Every day should be a day to remember.

November is the time when the poppy pins appear here in Canada.

When I first moved here, almost 15 years ago, I wondered why everyone was all of a sudden wearing the poppy pin. A tradition unfamiliar to me. Though the sentiment was, and is very familiar and personal to me.

My mom and dad lived in Rotterdam during the second world war. Well, they weren’t mom and dad yet, they were teenagers and had not met yet.

             

 My mom                                                                    My dad.

 

I was born in Rotterdam.

Rotterdam was heavily bombed...

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